- Eleanor Roosevelt
Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.
— Dr. Joyce Brothers
…then I’m screwed.
Currently in stage 2 of stage 10 of plucking a seemingly “perfect guy” for me out of the universe and manifesting him into my future husband. We will probably live happily ever after and have an amazing life because I had the hoodspa (jewish term I picked up from The Nanny at 2am hope its correct) to pursue a connection out of mid air. So this bullshit about manipulation not being in the equation of love is pissing me off. It is boys we’re dealing with here-manipulation is not only acceptable, its vital. Maybe lesbians don’t have to because women are intuitive but come on, any long term, happy, committed relationship consists of manipulation by the homegirl.
Don’t even get me STARTED about vulnerability. The word gives me such bad hives I can’t even comment on it.
feather hair extensions. now this is just great. we can add “hair” of another species to our own since we are never satisfied and always love new hot trends. this seems rational. boys will probably be like, totally attracted to this too bc birds are hott pieces of ass.
please help me stop this before it becomes the next Toms shoes obsession (yes I know its for charity, when did charity become an excuse to buy ugly stuff? donate the 12$ or however much those things cost. please god let it not be more then 12$)
my friend wants hair extensions. jesus i cannot even bring myself to type it. correction: my friend wants feather hair extensions. i told her shes an idiot. she told me if one of the kardashians had them in 2weeks id be all “no just a small one, a little one, it could be cute, like if its done very tastefully.”
shes absolutely right.
Heres the thing about rommates , and let me just preface this real quick by noting: this. only. applies. to. girls. yeah girls, boys are weird and gross, but in this category we take the cake.
So girls talk behind each others back, we build up “feelings” inside just keep saying “dont say anything, dont be mean, she doesnt mean to, im not gonna be the one to tell her” to ourselves until all of a sudden we explode. Let me paint this picture…
Suzie A lives with Suzie B. Suzie A does allllll these things that piss Suzie B off-she uses her stuff without asking, she always takes this other girls side, she talks a lot while they watch tv shows, she constantly puts another roommate down, she leaves trash everywhere,flirts with her boyfriend, and she always says “shut up B” and that really hurts Bs “feelings.” When A does any single one of these actions does B say anything? Hell to the negative ghost rider. because shes her friend, her sister, her roommate, heck her soulmate i dont know. all i know is for weeks B is too much of a good (fill in the blank here with whatever girl relationship status you desire) to be honest with her and tell her shes bothering her. Then one day A will sneeze. She will sneeze kind of loudly. Maybe shes sneezing while B is on the phone and here it comes…
A: aah-freaking-choo. aahchoo ahcoo, wipe nose, aah-cho0
B: REALLY, A!? REALLY?!? YOU ARE SUCH AN INCONSIDERATE FUGLY SLORE. LIKE, IM ON THE PHONE. DO YOU NOT SEE THAT IM TALKING TO MY GRANDMOTHER?!?! LIKE SERIOUSLY!?! IVE HAD IT!!
A: will kinda be stunned for a second, but then will scream back because B wont take down her voice and it will continue back and forth about how sneezing is or is not inconsiderate when one is on the phone with ones grandmother.
then it happens…
B: you are such a bitch. you dont even care about my conversation about wildlife preservation with my 70yr old grandmother. youre such a bitch, everyone thinks so!!! (translation, everyone= all the girls she has “vented” to about A’s annoying habits aka talked shit about and they were forced to nod their head in agreement because they are, after all, girls as well)
Then a number of things could happen-maybe one moves out, maybe they dont talk for 3 weeks, maybe their friends have to stage a bffskies like sit down “intervention” bc “we care about you guys too much to let this friendship end” maybe they wake up and go get mani pedis the next morning and braid eachothers hair. But one thing will for sure happen-this entire story. and it will happen again, and again, and then again with someone else. forever. because this is the insanity that is being a girl. a perpetuating crazy ass cycle of venting to boyfriends, moms, other girls, dogs, blogs, whatever, about how annoying one of our girlfriends is instead of…oh, i dont know, TELLING THAT PERSON, and maybe oh this-just-off-the-top-of-my-large-head TALKING to them and working shit out.
not that im one to talk. ive got roommates and boy do i bottle it up baby. and you best believe when roommate #2 doesnt screw the lid on the peanut butter tight enough, and ive had about enough of her “crap” (that she doesnt even know shes doing) ohhhh i let her have it. oooooo i get her good.
this is all totally normal. and completely rational to you Suzie B’s out there, who are also at some point Suzie As dont you worry.
and we think boys are crazy for drinking out of the milk carton.
One of my serious passions: holidays. lovvveeee them. always have, always will. I wish i could summarize how grossley obsessed I am with: dressing up like a witch and 5 other halloween costumes, wearing something green and red for the entire month of Dec and half of Nov, my sister and i making our family dress up as pilgrims and indians, drinking green beer and wearing my GIANT leprachaun hat, painting my nails red white and blue, finding my easter basket that my mom hides at the mature age of 21,making mardi gras masks and eating ice cream sundaes on fat tuesday-
the list goes on and on. so since i cant find a background i like, i think ill just always have it in excitement for the next holiday. :)
what i dont get-people who don’t like holidays. like, really? holidays give you anxiety? whats that all about? oh im sorry the birth of baby jesus and peppermint sticks stress you out? thats odd, bc santa pretty much makes me happier than david yurman, or sea bags (see previous post) Whats that you say? You cant stand dressing up for halloween? well you sound like a fun one to be around dontcha!! nobody likes a Scrooge. put a smile on people and fake it. nobody wants to hear about how valentines day is “such a like totally like commercial holiday make by big wigs at hallmark” how bout making someone you like a little card that says hey whats up i dig you, watch how happy they are and i bet you get some candy in return. sounds like those “commercial big wigs” just made some great times. divas.
currently: st pattys day and my birthday!! march 16th and 17th two very great days in history! get excited, get wasted, get me a present-whatever works.
Last night there was a neon mixer at mi casa. Right about now id tag my two friends that share a blog together called YoungFoolishAndHappy, except I dont know how to do that,or if you even do that in blogs, and I dont want to take the time to learn, I just want to tell you 3 people following me this story.
So im grumpy-pants bc there are liek 123432thousand younger frat boys and sorostitutes…i mean sisters…at my house in neon paint standing on tables screaming the lyrics to techno shit. Which really doesn’t make sense because we are supposed to be fratty not raging GDIs, but I guess if you have a “theme” and you go with it that makes it fratty…even if said theme only belongs in the underground raves of DC or Miami or whatever else gdi cities there are. Well I come back from working the NCSU womens bball game- they won, great times, cried at the intro video (one of like 2 things that can make these eyeballs well up) and now I’m dealing with highlighter liquid on my couch…
Friends with blog that i dont know how to reference decide I need a playtoy to keep me happy/drunk for the night. Totes agree. Text said “playtoy” and say- neon mixer at my house, come over. Conveniently playtoy is in the fraternity so its all good in the hood. Boy responds “damn im not gonna be able to make it jess, im too fucking exhausted from rugby practice, have fun tho, rage hard” I show text to friend and her response is “sexy” my response…literally, my text response is “wtf”
And this is where you learn something about the jessica way. Everything revolves around the sun, aka, me. So, in retrospect the fact that boy a. wanted to see me and was disappointed he couldn’t b. had a very good excuse that he verbalized instead of just saying no or not responding and c. plays rugby and is tired from being a hot sweaty athlete could be deemed “sexy” as my friend said. However, this is all both irrelevant and nonsense in my head due to this fact: he said no.
Typically, no, undoubtedly things go better when people listen to me. Its a fact, check with anyone. So this is very unnerving that boy was too busy being “sexy” to come play. See, now that he has said no he has done 2 things: 1. pissed me off immensely and 2. intrigued me. Very. Dangerous. Combo. Thats it, now I either have to make him fall in love with me and then become bored and annoyed and leave, or I have to entangle him in some version of cat and mouse until I am bored and leave. See-now don’t you pity him and think he should have just said YES, come over, and gone on living his happy self controlled life?!?!
Or maybe he will turn out to be the one person who can match me, keep me on MY toes, challenge me and actually sometimes win and I’ll live happily every after with him as a powerhouse couple. ha. nope. sorry boy-should’ve attended the “if it isnt neon it shouldnt be on mixer” better luck next time.
but for the record. Rugby IS sexy. :)